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5 Kinks You Should Definitely Try



We live in a society where everything moves fast - fast food, next day delivery, binge-watching a series when it drops on Netflix. It’s all instant gratification which is brilliant for our inner needy child who, like Veruca Salts, cries “I want it now!” Unfortunately these amazing features of our modern life can also mean that we don’t take as much time in our lives, we constantly talk about “the grind” and get swept away in going faster, faster, faster. Sometimes it’s for the benefit of us, our wellbeing and our relationships to slow back down and take some time to be a little selfish. You can see this everywhere from courses on mindfulness to meditation apps to self-care days. 


But how does that fit into our lives and relationships? 


We’ve definitely more and more reports about people who view sex as either a chore or it’s a “wham! Bam! Thank you ma’am!” Kind of deal. Slow, sensual sex scenes in films or TV episodes lead to eyerolls and refrains of “ain’t nobody got time for that.” Well, let me tell you - they do and you should also make time for it! Nobody is going to make time in your calendar for you to chill out and relax. Your boss isn’t going to say “gosh darn it, you work so hard - go take a day off on me!” Your other half isn’t going to say “take some time to yourself, you deserve it.” You’re far more likely to hear “Oh you’ve got that done, fantastic, brilliant work - here are 3 more projects we need done by the end of the week” or “honey, amazing - can you go pick up the food shop, then pick up a new hoover and collect that parcel from the sorting office?”


So you need to carve little moments of time for yourself to prevent burnout, to protect your own wellbeing and to focus on the things that are actually important - including your intimate life with your partner. 


Think honestly - when was the last time you and your significant other/s spent some time just taking your time and having fun in the bedroom (or the kitchen or the living room or wherever takes your fancy)? It’s probably longer than you’d care to admit, right? 


So why not consider trying some kinky things as well in the bedroom? That seems like quite a leap, doesn’t it? From Self Care to BDSM? Let’s take a moment to explain the logic here. You want to spend some quality time with your partner and to take your time being intimate. The problem is that if you always do what you always do, you’ll always get the same results. By introducing something new and exciting, it should work to get you both excited, more likely to invest the time and energy into giving it your attention plus you’re likely to do something new slower as you get the hang of it. Self-care through BDSM - makes sense now, right? 


With that in mind, let’s go through our top 5 kinks that you may not have tried that can help re-establish that connection with your partner/s and allow you to take your time. 

  1. Role Play

  2. Bondage

  3. Chastity

  4. Anal play

  5. Sensory deprivation 

  1. Role Play


One of the most common kinks but it can feel a bit embarrassing discussing with your partner or you might feel silly when you start role playing. That’s entirely normal! It’s a big kink because it gives you and your intimate partners a chance to be someone other than yourself. Maybe you really go for it - with a full dramatic scene planned and costumes, like you’re directing your own personal porn movie. You could be an Elven Warrior who rescues Elven Royalty from an Evil Overlord and they’re just so grateful, they can’t help “rewarding” you. Maybe one of you is a doctor performing an extremely thorough (and consensual) check-up on your patient. Or one of you is an alien from a faraway galaxy and the other is an astronaut that gets caught up in some probing. Whatever you want to try, talk about it in advance and have a laugh during it!

  1. Bondage


Bondage doesn’t always have to be heavy leather and metal manacles with leather hoods, despite what pornography and movies might make out. It’s another one of the most common kinks that people explore. From using a tie as a makeshift restraint to a headboard to more intricate shibari (Japanese rope bondage) to a set of flurry handcuffs - there’s an entire spectrum of ways you can explore bondage together. The restrainer can use the time to give the other pleasure with their hands, their mouth or using sex toys - maybe instead they’ll try a little bit of pain through spanking or light flogging. Take your time, explore each other's bodies and luxuriate in the pleasure. 

  1. Chastity


Chastity seems like a bit of an outlier in this list but it’s similar to a form of bondage, just for the genitalia. Male chastity devices (or devices for those with penises) are more common than ‘female’ chastity devices (or for those with vulvas) and can be bought relatively inexpensively to allow you to explore this. By locking away your genitalia, it redirects your attention onto other physical sensations than your arousal or you can focus purely on the pleasure of your partner. Also if you’re interested or already used to Dom/sub dynamics in the bedroom, this can add another level to your play time. 

  1. Anal play


Anal play shouldn’t really seem like a kink in 2021 - but there’s still some stigma around it, particularly with straight men experiencing any form of anal play. Real talk, the anus is filled with extremely sensitive nerve endings and the prostate can be stimulated from inside the rectum. The sensations can range anyone from super intense feelings like electricity to pleasurable pressure building up and can lead to overwhelming orgasms. What you enjoy experiencing sexually doesn’t have to mean anything about your sexual orientation so why not buy a butt plug, get a bottle of lube ready and see what you might have been missing out on? 

  1. Sensory deprivation


Sensory deprivation is another great “intro” kink and amazing for slow, sensual sessions in the bedroom. Blindfold your partner, maybe restrain them if they consent, and then spend time touching them in different ways to see how removing one of their senses heightens all the others. Explore sucking, licking, blowing, scratching all over their body - try different types of pressure from deep massaging movements or the light glance of your fingertips over their body. Or even experiment with temperature - a warmed oil on the legs followed by an ice cube down the chest. Warm your mouth with a hot drink like tea and kiss parts of their body. The possibilities - and the reactions - are endless.

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